Godparent: “In both religious and civil views, a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child’s upbringing and personal developments, and to offer mentorship.”  – Wikipedia

When my husband and I were in our late twenties, our closest friends from graduate school asked us to become godparents of their firstborn child. One of them was Catholic — we weren’t — but their church allowed for one set of godparents to be “non-Catholic.” We said yes, and we took to the role with energy and enthusiasm. We weren’t sure what it entailed exactly. We had been reassured that it didn’t have to be about religious guidance or money. What we discovered was that it was about connection — about being part of a child’s life as caring adults (without being their parents). It could also be a secular role.

We loved being godparents. We loved forming this special bond with our godchild. At the time, we were not sure that we would have children of our own, so we also welcomed this connection to the next generation. Five years later, when we were fortunate to have children (boy-girl twins!), we asked those same friends if they would serve as godparents for our son. I also reached out to my best friend from childhood to see if she would serve as a godmother to our daughter, all in a secular sense. Happily, they accepted.

Since we were not part of a church, we created our own ceremony at home. We had a gathering around our dining room table, full of delicious food, and we went around the table sharing poems and hopes for our new babies. It was a joyful gathering. When our third baby came along six years later, we asked another couple, who were some of our best friends from graduate school, to play the same role.

Twenty-seven years later, we have shared countless birthday gatherings and holidays with our children’s godparents. They are friends who have become family. One couple has children of their own, and their children are considered “god cousins” to our children. We are now attending their weddings, and one of the godparents will be officiating at our son’s wedding this summer.

I am incredibly happy that my children, now adults, have had and continue to have these godparents — these caring adults — in their lives. What I did not predict was what this would mean for me. The godmothers have given me a cadre of women friends who have become ever closer as our lives have intertwined and become more interconnected through the lives of our children. The godmothers have accompanied me through love and loss in a profound way. When we adopted our fourth child, they all stepped in to “adopt” her as well. These godmothers serve our whole family as role models, confidantes, and best friends.

In the fullness of time, I have come to realize that I have had older women in my life — friends of my mother’s — who have played a similar role: they have become, unofficially, my godmothers. They stepped in when I began to grapple with the stages of losing my mother, first through dementia and then through her passing. They are my mother’s dear friends, women she met at different phases of her life: one from her childhood, another from her high school and college years, and others from her parenting years. They are showing up for me and for my adult children (since the loss of my mother was also a loss for my children). They have become “surrogate grandmothers,” attending performances, hearing updates, and inviting my children to dinner. They are showing interest — listening, caring, and including us.

Godmothers, and their enduring power of lifelong connection to amplify joy

 and to carry us through losses and hard times.

I cherish this, and I want to celebrate all of it this Mother’s Day.

This special role of godmothers crystallized for me recently, when one of my mom’s best friends (and someone I now think of as a godmother) was eager to show me a new bookstore near her home in Santa Barbara, serendipitously named “Godmothers.”  I was enchanted. It is one of the most beautiful bookstores I have ever been to (and I have been to many!). It is a warm and welcoming converted farmhouse, with a feminist vibe, that invites you to sit in front of a fireplace and stay awhile. To read stories and share stories. Displayed on its walls are photos of women who have inspired so many of us, and who have lighted our way to make a better world. Collectively, they are our godmothers: Maya Angelou, Billie Jean King, Oprah, Gloria Steinem, and dozens more.

This beautiful bookstore inspired me to write about godmothers for Mother’s Day. Godmothers are “the women who’ve lit our way.” They bring deeper connections across people that can go far beyond biology and blood relations. They exemplify who matters and what matters in life.

The godmothers. This pantheon of women, near and far.

Women who inspire us and create a more caring world.

Today I am celebrating this and giving voice to this.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!